Our Journey Thus Far

For as long as I can remember I saw my life going this way; finding the man of my dreams, getting married, have a baby(or two or three) and homeschooling my children while being a SAHM.
In my perfect world I would be married with at least one child by 25.
Reality is I'll be 27 this year, I did find the man of my dreams, we are engaged but not married yet(that's a whole nother post lol), and I still haven't gotten pregnant.

Jaysen and I have been TTC now since November 2012. Today I am in the middle of my 8th cycle(currently cd16, +OPK today) and I've started to seriously get depressed that nothing has happened so far. I've been told that it can take a healthy couple 6-12 months to conceive. However, that doesn't seem realistic to me.

I've joined numerous groups on FB regarding TTC and have learned a lot in the last 8 months. Ive learned to track my cycle properly and know exactly when to expect O and AF to show. As helpful as it is to know my cycles are regular and on point it doesn't help me understand why I haven't had any success conceiving. I remind myself that I'm lucky, I haven't had to deal with problematic pregnancies or miscarriages like many other girls. But I'm still envious of everyone around me that has kids or is having a kid.

The jealousy really started when my baby sister admitted she was pregnant in December 2011. Not only was she pregnant but got pregnant during a ONE NIGHT STAND. I was crushed. Though admittedly we all expected her to be pregnant much earlier because she was very promiscuous. But it hit me that she was going to have the one thing I longed for most,and didn't even plan it. I was angry inside for a long time. I tried not to show it. Over the course of her pregnancy I got use to the idea of her being pregnant and that I would eventually be an aunt to an amazing little boy.

Soon after my sister announced her pregnancy two of my cousins announced they were pregnant as well(this was the 2nd pregnancy for each of them). And the hits just kept on coming. I avoidee attending their baby showers because it was too hard. They both had their babies within a couple months of my sister having Aiden.

Come November I finally convinced Jay to start trying officially to have a baby. I expected it to happen quickly. When we didn't get pregnant our first cycle I was fine. We tried again my December cycle and I was hoping to have a Christmas BFP. That didn't happen, but another one of my cousins announced via FB she was pregnant(also her 2nd child). I was devastated again.

So we continue trying here we are in my June 2013 cycle.